The Surrey Stare

Having now lived in these here parts for nearly 6 years (yikes) there are many things a London Girl born and bred can get used to - no decent Japanese food, a dearth of wine bars, and the weather being the crucial consideration for your entire day- but there is one fundamental difference out here in the Sticks that drives me to drink on pretty much a daily basis. Its the attitude to commerce and is manifested in the Surrey Stare. Picture if you will the scene........

[A locally-owned family-staffed small business in a local town. It sells rural supplies such as chicken feed, horse supplements, and chainsaw oil. Also stout boots and outdoor clothing that frankly I would have to burn if any of my City friends went through my wardrobe]

Me: Good morning Honest Merchant, I'd like a pair of the wellies on the top shelf there but in lilac... can you help at all?
Shopkeeper: (sigh) ..................(arranges invisible things behind counter to avoid eye contact)
Me: Hello? It's not my turn to talk..
Shopkeeper: (with great reluctance, as if he is being charged by the word)We only have them in green and blue.
Me: But they do come in lilac dont they? There's even a picture of them in  lilac on the price tag, look.
Shopkeeper: (stares at me as though I have announced my intention of having sex with his dog at his mother's funeral) .................
Me: Any chance you could, I dont know, order some in for me next time you deal with that supplier?
Shopkeeper: (rolls eyes at such an outrageous suggestion)  .............
Me: (losing it slightly) So should I just go and buy them off the internet then?
Shopkeeper: (narrows eyes like Lee Van Cleef ) ...................
Me: Well thank you for your time and indeed your charming repartee (leaves shop banging door with unneccessary force)

And thats why I'll never be considered a local.